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| Lately I have been a whirlwind of emotions. I feel happy, sad, frustrated, guilty, anxious, excited, exhausted, bitter... and more. You know those posters with the dopey-looking white guy with all of
these facial expressions? I feel like all of those at the same time. And I can't place the source of any of my feelings. *sigh*
I don't think I am physically, mentally, or emotionally in the right place. I have these extreme food cravings all the time, and I binge eat (5000 calories a day now), but I can't seem to feel satisfied. In the past, I had very specific cravings: brownies, mint chocolate chip ice cream, shrimp scampi, Madam Mam's, that I could eat to my full and feel satisfied with, but now nothing seems to really hit the spot. I am exhausted, and yet I find the energy to re-fold all of the clothes in my dresser. I've been wanting to go home to my parents for a while but all of my weekends have been packed; when I do have a free day, I just sleep it off.
Poor xanga, I only post on you when I'm feeling down; I never post when I'm super happy. It reminds me of this great friend, John Ament that I got to know when I was going to TAMS, and the sad thing is that I only call him when I feel like my life has hit bottom. You know its a special relationship when 85% of your conversations include crying on my part. I need to be a better friend to John... I'll try to call you soon.
In other news, I finally finished my century ride... 100 miles to Johnson City and back. It took me eleven hours and seventeen minutes, a time I definitely hope to improve on. It's really weird to be so physically active when I've been sedentary for the first 17 years of my life. I can feel my body changing, beyond the thigh muscles and tan lines. Let's just say that "The Design Team" didn't exactly create the human body to sit on a bicycle seat for over ten hours... we really don't want to get into the details of my pelvic structure. Yay.
Good luck on your finals and congratulations to all of the graduates! May you continue leaving legacies of leadership and change in your new spheres of influence as you move on from us. Words cannot express how much I will miss Joi Thailoan Ngo. Let's just leave it at that.
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| It's been a while...
I had my second bad bike accident on Monday. It was raining, I was taking a left turn, and my bike slipped out from under me, leaving my left side to scrap the pavement for a couple feet.
I have never had a high tolerance for pain, and especially not the sharp stabbing, throbbing, or surprising type (much better at the constant owie), so I spent a few minutes on the ground screaming in mortal pain, crying expletives, and (probably) flailing my limbs. Hah.
Two police cars (and a motorcycle cop) showed up instantly, as well as five other civilian cars, causing a nice road block in the middle of the road. They called an ambulance, but I didn't go (hate those emergency fees), and I would probably be triaged as a low priority case anyways. So I went home, showered, picked tiny bits of gravel out of my wounds, and went to virology lab.
And all was well, except that I can't sleep on my left side anymore.
I got on my bike for the first time today to ride to school, and I never knew how much I took for granted my confidence in riding before the accident. I am terrified of falling, of being hit by vans, and I slow down when turning. A lot. I guess it will take me some crash-free time to gain confidence again in riding, a lot of time on my bike.
My wonderful friends and colleagues of the Multicultural Information Center have coerced me into going to Urgent Care to get some antibiotic cream and prevent a staph infection/gangrene, so I find myself waiting in the patient room, lying on the bed on top of that white wax-paperish cover. I hate waiting. *sigh*
On the bright side, I have told my parents and brother that I am deferring medical school and applying for Teach for America. Cross your fingers for me!
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| Funding update: Done: $140.50 To be raised: 3859.50
It's interesting to see the different things brought out by different organizations... UNT APAEC2 blurb: Darlene Gou is a second-generation Taiwanese American pre-medical senior at the University of Texas at Austin, studying Human Biology, Sociology, and Asian American Studies. She is currently a co-director of the Asian Desi Pacific Islander American Collective and the chair of the Asian American Leadership Institute. Darlene is passionate about Asian American empowerment, diversity, social justice, and multiculturalism. She loves her community, Diet Dr. Pepper, developing her awareness, and the continual betterment of the self. Beware: she self-identifies as a complete science lover and nerd, and spells out words using abbreviations of the essential amino acids, which becomes problematic because there are only 20 of them… ☺
Texas 4000 blurb: Darlene is a pre-medical senior from Round Rock, Texas, studying Human Biology, Sociology, and Asian American Studies. She is currently the chair of the Travel Committee for Texas 4000 for Cancer. Darlene is passionate about social justice, multiculturalism, diversity, and raising awareness of cancer. She volunteers part-time in the operating room of St. David's Medical Center and works as an MCAT instructor for Kaplan Test Preparation. She looks forward to eventually attending medical school and becoming a doctor, although she doesn't know what kind... yet. Darlene loves her community, Diet Dr. Pepper, baking cookies, developing her awareness, and the continual betterment of the self. Beware: she self-identifies as a complete science lover and nerd, and spells out words using abbreviations of the essential amino acids, which becomes problematic because there are only 20 of them... ☺ She just turned 18 in October, but don't understimate her and her squeaky voice. More to come... | | |
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